There are very few things that are constant in the life of a padawan. Between training and missions I never can be sure where I'll be sleeping, what or even if I'll be eating. Whether I'll be bored to tears in some long treaty negotiation or fighting for my life because some negotiation had failed.
I'm not complaining mind you, being a Jedi has always been my dream, and every day strengthens the certainty that this is my destined path. I thrive on this life, just as I always knew I would.
But it does make me cling to those things that do remain constant all the harder. And the one that I cling to the most is my Master.
Our relationship didn't get off to the best of starts, he made no secret of the fact that he didn't thought I was knight material when we first met and when fate drew him to take me on as his apprentice, it was with reluctance.
Still, somehow, what we have now grew out of that rocky start. My Master is the most important person in my life. He is my teacher, my friend, my protector, my shelter, my...home. He is the center of my universe and I know I am just as important to him.
But lately my feelings have changed.
Well, changed is probably the wrong word. All the things I've always felt are still there -- the admiration, the friendship, the love. Something else has just joined them.
If he knew I'm sure he would tell me it was only natural. A human male my age, with hormones starting to run wild in my system, is going to experiment with new feelings. And he, being my Master, was a safe target for such explorations. Because I know he won't take advantage of them. Of me.
More's the pity.
But he would be wrong. I wasn't just experimenting with these new feelings. What I feel for him has been growing for some time, maybe since the moment we met. Maybe even from before, I don't know. But it is very real and I know it's not going to go away.
That doesn't mean I'm not experimenting with *other* new feelings.
Actually it's probably moved past the experimenting stage. When it comes to self-pleasure I'm definitely working on perfection.
And tonight I'm trying something new. Something I've been thinking about for a long time.
My Master is out for the evening and isn't going to be back for hours. I have our quarters to myself. The perfect chance.
I go into my Master's bedroom. His bag from our last mission lays on the bed, still packed. It's my job to unpack it, put the clean clothes away and set the dirty clothes out to be taken by the laundry service. I unpack and sort quickly, then retreat to my bedroom with my prize.
My Master's cloak.
I dim the lights and quickly strip my clothes off. Then I wrap myself in his cloak.
If there's one piece of clothing that is a quintessential piece of my Master, it is this cloak. It acts as a shield, helping to maintain the distance we Jedi need to be able to complete our missions. It has also sheltered me in its depths, when I am cold or hurt or tired, or just in need of his touch. In my fantasies, when I imagine him embracing me, it is always with the folds of this cloak swirling around us both. Having it against my bare skin like this is the closest I can get to that embrace. The closest I might ever get.
The feel of the rough material against my skin, the scent of my Master it exudes, the sense of his Force signature impregnated in its weave, all of it combine to excite me faster than I could ever have imagined and I feel myself growing hard within seconds of putting it on.
Closing my eyes, I build the fantasy in my mind. My Master is here, watching me. Wanting me to show him what he does to me. My love. My desire.
I lie back on the bed, letting the cloak fall open, revealing my naked body to his sight and my touch. In my mind's eye I can picture how I must look, the dark cloak a startling contrast to my pale skin, my cock standing up over my stomach, proof of my arousal.
Slowly I begin to touch myself, lightly running my fingertips over my chest. I trace circles around my nipples, then pinch them lightly, gasping slightly at the little shocks of pleasure it sends to my groin.
I spread my legs wide as I slide my hands down my stomach and onto my thighs. Close to where I need to touch, but not reaching for it. Not yet.
I want this to last.
I tease myself as long as I can, and then when I can't stand it anymore I close a hand around my erection, moaning at my own touch. The moisture already leaking from my cock eases the friction as I slowly stroke myself, still trying to draw this out for as long as possible. Enjoying the tease as much as the building pleasure.
My other hand I bring to my mouth and suck on my finger, again imagining my Master watching. Seeing me like this.
The thought spurs me on and I pull my finger from my mouth and slip it between my legs to tease at my opening. I slide it inside, moaning my Master's name.
I am losing myself in the pleasure now, the building rhythm taking over my movements, urging me faster and faster. My hips are moving, bucking up into the hand I have gripped around my cock, and down onto my finger inside me.
I can feel the rough material of my Master's cloak underneath me as I move and the sensation sends me over the edge. I explode into climax, my world whiting out as the pinnacle of my pleasure washes over me.
"Master," I whisper, reaching out.
Then I open my eyes on the empty room.
I sigh, letting my head fall back on the pillow. It is a wonderful fantasy but that is all it was. All it will ever be perhaps.
Can I live with that? I wrap the cloak close around me, enveloping myself in its warmth and the faint feeling of my Master's presence.
If this is all I'll ever have it will be enough. More than enough. He gives me so much. I can't -- I won't -- be greedy.
I clean up and put the cloak back with the other clothes that are going to be sent to the laundry.
When I come back out into the main room, my Master is waiting for me. "You're back early, Master," I greet him.
"I know." He comes forward and lays his hand on my shoulder. "I fear your night is going to be cut short as well, Padawan. We've been given a new mission. The shuttle leaves in an hour."
"That's okay. I was done anyway."
He looks at me for a long moment then nods. "Time is short so I'll pack my own bag while you pack yours."
I nod and head for my room.
"Oh and Ani?"
I turn around and look back at him. "Yes, Master Obi-Wan?"
"You need to work on your shielding when you're distracted."